Get your motor running

  And head out on a highway!

  "Born to be wild" from Steppenwolf was once my summer anthem and today it'll be the inspiration for this post. Well, actually engine is the main inspiration. I'm not very familiar with the car stuff but even I know that no motor means no fun :) 

  What is your life motor? Is it running? Yesterday I realized that my life motor is my biggest life dream. When I started my first "adult" job, I turned my motor off because it seemed to be silly, impossible to come true and childish. But along with it I lost enthusiasm, energy and optimism. I started to turn into disappointed and cynic person. That made me think that big or small dreams and desires keep us alive. The will to reach our goals keep us moving, keep us alive. We should respect and protect our ideas and dreams. Even if we won't fulfill them, they'll bring us to new places, new people, new lessons.

 

Self-centered

  What happens when we're focused more on others and their needs than on ourselves? We wear, eat, say and do things that we don't want to. We live someone else dreams and life. And the result of this is definitely far from happiness. "Healthy egoism" sounds like oxymoron, but this can be good explanation and excuse for it: loving yourself is better than to hate your neighbor. (I don't remember who said this and if it sounds exactly like the line above) 

  Time for a little conversion: believing in someone else change into believing in yourself, make yourself comfortable in your own skin and life, give yourself space, time, attention and whatever you need and want. The support you're always ready to give your friends- use for yourself. Have smile for yourself and give yourself second chances.And happy you is your friends favorite you ;)

  

Sketch of your life

 Sketch is a prelude to a masterpiece. Sketch is something that is mutual for painting, sculpture, filming and other art form. Sketch is the idea in the purest form, is the moment when artist is the most honest, he doesn't judge his own work, he can make mistakes, he's the strongest and the most vulnerable at the same time. That's why I believe more in sketches than in finished art works and that's why I get very intimate feeling when I can see artist sketchbooks.

  We may have general idea of how our life should look like. We may have plans, even very clear ones. But we don't have another piece of clay or another white canvas, we have only one life. Our life is our sketch. It will never be finished masterpiece, always rather basic idea that you're trying to make real. If you ask me-that's life's biggest beauty! That is always a bit clumsy, a bit "not the way it suppose to be!", a bit irregular but also so yours, so very yours.

  "If you hate death, you must love life" Urabe-no Kaneyoshi

Point of view

 As many people, as many points of view. Point of view. Hmmm... I'm imagining terrace around my head. You can walk around and have different view from different points of the terrace. Notice that it's not the terrace that is moving and changing the scenery but you. 

 I think I might wrote it before but it won't hurt to remind myself and you that if you feel you're stuck and can't change anything-you can always change your point of view. If you're still desiring something you don't have, try to think that right in this moment you have everything you need. Look around and notice all those cool books, clothes, other things you owe. It's ok to have desires and dreams as long as it keeps you motivated and moving. When they're starting to bring you down, it means something is going wrong. Maybe you are staring at the same view for too long? ;)

Comme des garcons

 

 Time for a little confession. Guys are OK. Even cool sometimes ;) Last post was about valuable things about kids, this time- boys, boys, boys ( I'm looking for a good time!). If there would exist something like Life Market, selling different character features etc., I'd grab my basket and went straight to men section with this shopping list in my hand:

 -unconcern for others opinion and reactions (minimum 2 jars)

 -easiness (as much as you can carry)

 -computer skills (take some of the technological ones too)

 -turbo digestion (don't exaggerate, it comes with big appetite)

 -muscle strength (arms and belly, enough)

  Uff! I found everything-enough of testosterone. Now lets check out the sales on female part! ;)

Comme les enfants

    I don't really get that all philosophy of taking care of your inner child. Day by day and year by year I'm getting older, I'm changing, I'm transforming from a child into a girl, from a girl into a woman. First everyone wants you to grow up and then they're writing books about how not to loose a child in you. Mankind curse- to desire what we don't have. 

    I like who I am now and I'm curious who I'll become. The circle of life has its sense. Ability of seeing things simple or of feeling rapture doesn't need to be reserved only for children. Yes, things are changing with time but mostly because we want to fulfill others' expectations. Kid can spend all afternoon playing with empty plastic bottle and finding it very amusing. It doesn't need to be extraordinary, limited edition, high quality, best of, tuned up bottle made from recycled plastic. Kids world is simpler because it doesn't have all those tags (and price tags).

    Being back a child is none of my desires. I'm still looking forward to get my Christmas gifts and I can't deny extra portion of ice cream, so I guess I learned my life's lesson right ;)

The Essence

 I suddenly started to feel uncomfortable in dark-colored clothes. All the black, brown, grey t-shirts, sweaters or leggins are weighing me down, making me smaller, thinner, disappearing. They're energetic vampires in my wardrobe. I used to feel more comfortable in dark colors, more elegant and confident but now the first hangers I'm reaching in the shop are the ones with sunny yellows, bright blues, vibrant reds. 

  Funny creatures, us, human beings. We're influenced by so many things: color, weather, thoughts, other people, food we eat, environment we're in. Imagine, that you can cut yourself out of all the contexts you exist in. Out of family, relationships, city and country you're in, your mobile and laptop, your facebook, twitter, blog, tumblr, school, work, clothes, make up, hobbies, plans and dreams. Out of things you know about yourself, others know about you and expectations. Who are you now? What is your essence?

Remains of the days

  Another calendar on the wall, another bottle of milk in the fridge, another New Year's resolution and another book that became favorite. I lived more than 9000 days. What can I say about them? What is left after them in me? Did my memory store all the most important memories and I just forgot the password to access them? Even though I'm quite scared of the vision of the future where everyone will have a chip under skin, it could be a great record of each day of my life. 

How many books did I read? How many I left unfinished? How many of them bored me and which one amused me?

How many different dishes I tried so far? What is the dish I ate the most often? 

How many people I met in my life? How many of them influenced me in any way? How many of them I loved or hated? 

Plenty of possible questions. But answers for them will get lost in the passing time as quick as all the memories, covered with the new ones. I hope that I'll never have to answer a question that they ask in court in American movies: "Where were you and what did you do on 17th of February in 1999?". Doesn't matter the date, ask me what I did at the same time two weeks ago and I'll be stuck in the labyrinth of my memory. 

Sometimes I'm holding my breath, closing my eyes and thinking to myself: "Now, keep this moment forever in your memory!" and for how long it stays in my head? Maybe half of a day. And in the end, all I have is always the moment that I'm in.

Beauty can hurt

No, I'm not a supermodel and I wasn't attacked by the bunch of jealous girls. But I saw drawings so beautiful, that moved my soul, that made me stop and stare for a while, that have the power to transform me into different person. Ouch!  The beauty I saw in them was painful because it showed me how far from the perfection my own works are. Maybe perfection is not the best word here. I meant more the vision of ideal drawing that is inside me, that is showing up in my imagination, like it wants to tease me, to invite me to race it. But the more I focus on race, the more far from the ideal vision I get.

 What's the solution? To keep racing or to desist?