Before the journey

Travelling keeps me alive. I can't stay too long without changing scenery, it strangles me. So many places to see, so many people to meet, so many dishes to taste, so much to learn, to experience. I may not remember the names of another castles and churches, but I do remember the ambience of places. I'm not a tourist, I'm not a traveller either. I'm somewhere between. Somewhere between earth and sky. 

Bitter-sweet

 Something's still on my mind lately- the difference between what we see on billboards (or in magazines and movies) and what we see each day in the streets. Something like 10% of women in the world has the physique of a super model. Remaining 90% (ok, maybe 82%) desires figure that will never have. There's no sense in it at all. I always thought fashion is something amazing, inspiring, helping in expressing yourself. But when I see people looking like clones or falling into depression becouse they can't have new dress or can't change the nature, then I want to ask: what the hell is going on?

 And what should I do? I used to draw girls from fashion magazines- there's a beauty and inspiration, but are they real when they're shallow and empty? I do believe in art, it influences people, moves them. And I still believe fashion can be art, but it has to change the present direction!

Obstacle race

 Sometimes implementation of my plans seems to be like obstacle race. Obstacles are: my expectations (usually too high), laziness, fear- all that happens in my head. Have you ever had a dream when you wanted to run but your moves were annoyingly slow? That's how I feel when I want to do something important to me. There's an idea, there's the enthusiasm, and then the self-sabotaging machinery starts to produce reasons why I should do it later or never, or why I can't do it at all, etc.  Vicious circle!

  To trick the self-sabotaging machine in me, I decided to use the 100 rule. It means that I can't say that f.ex. I won't find a job, I don't know how to skii, I'll never learn French, until I'll try 100 times. Becouse the thing is not about being naturally talented but in not giving up.

Kissing the joy

 "Kiss the joy when it comes and be grateful"- someone said. I'm grateful today! For sunny weather, for two accidental meetings, for a nap in the train, for new skirt, new energy to draw, few nice words, few new ideas, etc.
 Today I feel the pride- I finished my studies! Ha! I did it! :)) 

Orange vs Blue

My favourite colour combination lately. Orange, with its positive energy and Blue, with its calm.

Observations during the way back

Train. Today. Some kids, some adults, some old men, some very young. I didn't find the pleasure in observing faces of youth, becouse their faces didn't say anything. Much more interesting were faces of kids, with whole life in front of them, or old people- shaped with all they survived and know. 

 Pages of my agenda became blank- it's a sign of free days, of summer, of the end of studies. Why I don't feel the black hole? I feel surprisingly good and calm. Something ends, something begins. I'm looking forward to it! 

Powerless

 Today I realized one obvious thing: I have only one body for my whole life. It's not like a dress that I can change everyday and throw away after its "time of glory". I was so tired after few busy days that when I came back home from the train station in the afternoon, I went straight to bed and slept five hours. And I'm sure I won't have troubles sleeping tonight. Hmm... Simply truth: I am my body, my body is me. My freckles are me. All that I accept or not- is me. My body is not only a can for my soul, it's something much more... It's my tool for living, working, creating! From this perspective eating junk food, complexes, lack of sleep, lack of sport, lack of relax seems to be such a stupidity!

 Look, isn't it mad and masochistic to watch TV and magazines, desire looks we'll never reach? And it looks like we're all too blind too see that this is pure madness that makes us feel bad with ourselves! :O

Finding or loosing?

Am I finding my way and place or am I loosing it all by trying everything?  So many types of drawings... I don't see that something that connects them all, that something that will tell you that I drew it. "Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements?"