Rush

 Too little time even to breath, but wait... If I have so many things to do that I even don't know what to start from, why I just watched episode of Glee, why I'm posting this, why I'll flippantly go sleep soon? 

  I'm packing my life into boxes, tomorrow I'm changing scenery for my everyday routine. And from the morning it will start the same: papers, meetings, signatures, documents, promises, breakfasts, fast dinners, everything in a rush. Funny- I rush to save some time but then I lose all of it. Ok, no more philozophizing, time to sleep, get rest, reset, and start!

Meditation with dirty hands

This is my first graphic made in the first year of studies. Soon I'll finish the diploma that looks definietly different. I remember why I decided to made my BA and then MA diploma in graphic art. It was becouse of one sentence from my teacher: "Graphic is a refined drawing". One thing is sure about graphic- you'll get dirty :) You don't even know when and how, but you can't avoid paint stains on hands, clothes. I love the element of surprise when I detach the print from the matrix- you can't be absolutely shure what the final effect will be. Graphic is kind of meditation- you have to slow down, focus on what you're doing. Your hands are busy but your mind is free. 

  I just realized that things I like the most in life, like dragonflies, basketball, drawing, photography, are combination of strenght and fragility, speed and concentration, wildness and beauty.

Bring Your Own Story

 BYOStory is a project of young Polish artists (more on www.byostory.com) that interfere in the city space, connecting places with people's memories. I was coming back from the train station and trying to find shelter from the rain- I went to the art gallery. Two interesting exhibitions- one with the works of local artists (many of them are my teachers, so it's doubly interesting!) and another with the title "Lost in translation"- story told piece by piece by people from different countries, written in different languages and illustrated with different pictures, photos, drawings, paintings, collages. 

 One thing came to me after this meeting with art- art is about human, it can't exist without us. Nature doesn't need us but for art we are necessary.  And, going further, everyone that finds a talent inside himself, should tend it, water it with own stories, experiences. Artists make a huge mistake by trying to surprise with something new. They should show their souls, that's enough to enchant.

  I'm kind of "gold minds freak" and I've noticed this one in a magazine: “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive”. (Howard Thurman)

Tropics

 Summer is really undecided this year. Looks like all the seasons became undecided. Maybe, like many people, they've lost their identity? Dear Seasons, short guide:

 Summer: heat, sun, beach, swimming, travelling, campfires, fruits, activity, beer, sweetness, water, colourful, dresses, dragonflies, storms, rainbows, suntan, etc.
  Autumn: grapes, apples, rain, umbrellas, sunny afternoons, bicycles, orange, yellow, red, brown, jackets, warm tea, wine, vegetables, puddle, walks, books, new beginnings, etc.
  Winter: gloves, scarfs, caps, white, blue, sledges, iceskating, skiing, sweaters, Merry Christmas, Last Christmas, Happy New Year, sneezing, mulled wine, thick socks, preserves, long evenings, candles, etc.
  Spring:  green, flowers, bicycle, tomatoes and cucumbers, picnincs, walks, clouds, salads, sandwiches, cocktails,  painting eggs, joy, new clothes, general cleanings, new ideas and hopes, etc.

Atelier

 My graphic teacher said once that he doesn't want to see projects from my sketchbook, becouse sketchbooks are something intimate, something really private. He's right. When I want to draw and I do it in one of my sketchbooks made of papers written on one side I don't care if I'll draw perfect, I allow myself for experiments and expression. When I sit in front of perfectly white sheet of paper and have to create a project, I get numb. I have nothing in my head- no ideas, no inspirations, no vision, nothing. 

 I guess artist's atelier must be intimate space too. So far I know only university ateliers, where I can't feel like I'm home. At home I have my room, my desk, but it's not my atelier, even if I create something there. Atelier from my dreams? Lot of space, lot of sunlight, music in the background, white walls, wooden floor, smell of coffee with cinnamon, quite tidy, but with the marks from paint, pencil, etc., lot of inspiring photographs, magazines, things.

Day off

A day off, just perfect for cleaning up the artistic mess. I had a feeling yesterday- maybe not storm, but at least rain fell this morning and it brought more colours.

Day by day

 Days pass quickly and without fireworks, magic moments, etc. This is also part of life, only discolored, a bit boring, washed from emotions. You wake up, you do what you have to do, you fall asleep. Monochromatic life. What has to happened to change that? Storm and rainbow after it?

Authenticity

It's really hard to catch the moment when you're open-hearted as a child, when you create for the pure joy, when you don't restrict yourself with rules, with expectations, with opinions. Honesty, purity are like timid bird- it's so easy to frighten him. 

To be authentic means to know yourself. Funny how often we look for something that will distinguish us from the others, forgetting that we're already different. Different but the same. 

Rejected

 During last five years many of my projects were rejected. Sometimes I felt bad about it, many times I didn't understand why the teachers chose some projects instead of others, that were better in my opinion. When I look back I see that most of their decisions were good. During artistic studies you shape your individual sensivity to colour, line, expression, spot. You discover which techniques are "yours". Step by step, task by task, exam by exam you build your own artistic personality. Don't look back, don't look around, just do what you like to do, what you feel, what's yours. 

Release me

 Friend told me that in my drawings she can see wildness that I don't show. Drawings are the space when I can release energy, spontaneity, emotions, myself. It's my space when good girl can go bad ;) When it comes to creating, usually bad emotions work better as an engine than the positive ones. Why? In my case they push me to the limits and I have to do something, otherwise I'd explode. So I draw, I don't control myself, I just let the emotions go on the paper. "Paper will adopt everything". World without a paper? It's impossible to imagine! No postcards, letters, notebooks, receipts, tests, books, magazines, photos, etc. Paper is just irreplaceable!

Contrast

 Oh, how we like super contrast! Our eyesight is deteriorating from staring on TV and colourful supermarket shelves. Tomatoes, strawberries and lips have to be extra red. Grass has to be intensively green for us to notice its beauty. Sky? Pure blue, otherwise it's nothing worth looking at. Clouds? Creases? Thank God for Photoshop! Isn't that funny and tragic at the same time?

  Many photos look better after increasing the contrast but we lose something else-details. "All the details in the fabric, all the things that make you panic..." Contrast may blunt the sensivity. Without sensivity you can't see the details and if you don't see the details, can you know the whole?

Zen mood, Day 3

 This all Zen mood, as I call it, is not that simple as you might think. It's not that I levitate all day long, no. Zen mood comes in the afternoon, when sun is milder, air is a bit colder, thoughts are more serene. Then I put kettle on, grab pinch of jasmine tea, put it in a cup and pour hot water. Smell of the tea calms me down, I realize once again, that I'm the biggest stress for my self and I promise myself that from tomorrow I won't be in such a hurry, I won't be so lazy, I'll do what I have to do.  The hardest change is the change of ourselves, our habits.

Zen mood, Day 2

 Another busy and warm day, again I'm drowning stresses and unimplemented plans in cup of jasmine tea. I'm not going out tonight, oh no, don't even ask me. This afternoon will be just for me, for things that should be done long time ago. The time will slow down, blood will calm down, thoughts will fall asleep, I'll get rest. 

I read an interview with fashion designer, Jeremy Scott. He was asked about his inspirations, where he get them from? (Typicall question for designers!) I really like his answer- that it's impossible to explain. They come from nowhere and everywhere. I also like his approach to postmodernism- he accepts it and creates postmodern fashion. We live in postmodern times- he says- and that's so exciting! 

I don't have that much enthusiasm for our times, I rather long the good old days. But maybe that's wrong way of thinking? "Maybe there were better times but these are ours".

Jasmine tea

 Mhmmm... Busy day. Train, post office, walk, dorm, elevator, school, car, vanilla ice cream, bus, walk, bookbinder, walk, dorm, sleep, walk, shop, walk, dorm, jasmine tea. It would be enough for me if I could erase all of it except train and jasmine tea. Just keep on traveling, watching sunny lands behind the window, drinking jasmine tea, reading "The Land of Green Plums", nothing more. Happiness is nothing complicated, you know? Especially when I'm in "Zen mood" like now. Is it sun, is it bliss, is it jasmine tea?